I love my husband and I know he loves me, but sometimes in order for that whole lovey dovey deal to work out, sometimes I’ve got to get out of my own way.
Today on the podcast, we’re talking about ways we sabotage meaningful relationships we say we want.
To best help you understand this sabotage, I’ll illustrate this with a silly thing I used to do when my husband helped with things around the house.
How can you get mad about your husband volunteering to scrub out 20 dirty diapers?
How can you be angry when he folds piles of laundry?
What would cause someone to be furious over him washing the dishes?
Well, I managed to do all of those and I’ll tell you how.
It was my own thoughts that continually misinterpreted his intentions and drove a wedge between us.
That little old judgmental lady lives in my head…I don’t know who she is, but she’s bossy.
When shame and feelings of inadequacy would wash over me I assumed he was attacking me and my value.
Of course he thought I was nuts.
It’s so obvious on this side of things how much I let my own feelings of inadequacy get in the way of being grateful for his help. It’s downright ridiculous, laughable even! But at the time, it was not funny, and I could not see it for a long time.
How often do we get in the way and sabotage our help in this way? Maybe it’s our own feelings of inadequacy, like I did, that drive a wedge. Or perhaps it’s nitpicking the details they don’t get right. Perhaps it’s expectations we have of what they should be doing to help and aren’t, that prevents us from seeing the contribution our loved ones make. But I encourage you to consider are you sabotaging the very thing you long to have?
I desperately wanted help, needed team players, but I couldn’t get out of my own way to let them help me. Can you? Loving other people well can involve letting them love us and then saying THANK YOU!
So here’s your one next step this week: Are there any areas of your relationship that you are sabotaging? Is it possible that you are making up reasons for why someone is doing something, or not doing something that isn’t true? I encourage you to just consider the possibility and begin to notice.
Of course we have all sorts of tools to help with this process and how to move past it in our mastermind, which you can apply for at https://maryaldrichcoaching.com/apply
But while you are signing up consider what one way could you be tying your own hands. How might you be interpreting someone’s generosity and love as an attack? What one next step will you take today to love that person well?
Hey, next week, we’ll discuss another aspect of loving well. We’ll talk about two different aspects of curiosity and how they can light a fire in your relationship that helps it grow exponentially and how you can change the whole dynamic of everything between you and another person in just one sentence.
Until next time, take care and love God, love others, and enjoy it!
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