Tips for Connection

Tips for Connection. Following are some very practical ways you can approach parenting to give both you and your child a sense of predictability and peace. Know that if you are a new parent, these will be easier than if you have not been parenting in this way and make the switch to them. It is normal and natural for a child to test boundaries that are set for them. It’s part of how we learn. Eventually, a child will learn that the boundaries you set will hold (if you stick to them) and there will be less and less testing, just as we only drop things intentionally when we are very little. Once we see that when dropped an object will fall to the ground, we know that the law of gravity pertains to us and we don’t wonder what will happen if we drop something.

Parenting Tips

Address only the “wise”/cooperative part of the child from your true self.

Do not make the child responsible for your emotions. Relate to the child out of calm compassion and encourage him/her to take responsibility for his/her emotions.

Be calm and assertive. If you cannot be and stay calm and assertive, look at and address why you cannot.

Affirm and accentuate the positive minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day.

The child fundamentally wants to feel safe. When behavior is oppositional, angry, and defiant simply state and reassure emotional/physical safety.

Give free choices between true options whenever possible and affirm the choice that is made.

Create “no fail” situations that do not have any objective other than BEING one-on-one together with the child. This is time to develop relationship – not to reprimand or give directives.

Have and keep clear house rules with clear privileges and consequences that all caregivers enforce. This prevents a sense of unknown/unpredictable for caregivers and child.

Focus on affirming and enjoying them rather than being afraid of or for them or controlling their behavior. The better he feels about himself the more he will control his own behavior.

If you expect her to fail, she probably will.

Be the leader. Do not wait for your child to set the tone for the day. Treat oppositional behavior directly and immediately with the agreed upon consequences and then move on. If you’re holding a grudge, deal with yourself and what that’s about.

Being frustrated is normal. Be frustrated with the behavior and not with the child. If he becomes frustrated with himself as well, his behavior will only worsen and compound the problem.

Know that unaddressed trauma – even traumas that happened in the womb or as an infant can cause many confounding emotional and behavioral problems. If a child is consistently in crisis, even behaviorally, that may indicate a need for trauma therapy.

Parenting is so important. Consider that you are imaging God for your child. How you represent the Lord far more than what you say about Him will come to be how he or she understands God. It’s a noble calling and crucial to the forming of a world of peace. May God bless your efforts with His own grace and strength, He who is Father of us all.

May the Lord give you peace.

Margaret

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Tips for Connection