Gentleness and Building Relationships

Are you gentle with yourself when it comes to making and keeping friends? Are you gentle with others? This podcast is all about gentleness and relationships.Recently I had the opportunity to interact with a group of women all committed to discussing the vision of building more authentic relationships.

How many of you feel like sometimes having real friends can be difficult? Maybe we think…

We don’t do enough with them. They didn’t ask how we were.

I never see them.

Their social media is so much cuter than mine.

I’ve been the needy person so many times, it can’t be my turn again.

Or,

I don’t really want to spend time with them. Our kids don’t get along.

They parent differently so we just have to keep some distance.

Building relationships can be pretty rough sometimes. We talk about it with our kids all the time- how to make friends, how to keep friends, what to do when someone isn’t nice to them, how to be kind, etc. Yet, how many of us wish we had a magic friend fairy that could help the relationships building go a little easier?

I know sometimes, I’d love to see that magic wand wave over a conversation and suddenly we just click and enjoy each other’s company. Suddenly, there we are talking about things that really matter.

Well, my friend, and sister in law, Lisa Turner, came up with 6 great questions for discussion around building and maintaining deep authentic relationships and I think they go right along with our gentleness theme for August.

Definition of Gentleness: the quality of being kind, tender, or mild-mannered. Are you gentle with yourself when it comes to making and keeping friends?

Are you gentle with others? To whom do you most often ascribe the responsibility? You or

them?

Who is supposed to reach out? In what context?

Let’s go through these questions and talk about what the answers might be from a place of being gentle with ourselves and others in our relationships. Be thinking about which ones resonate with you the most.

Questions

  1. We put ourselves out there…we ask a couple out for lunch, we another mom to meet at a playground for a playdate, we try to get to know someone but keep getting a “no.” How do we deal with the rejection? How do we stay encouraged and keep trying?

 

Answer: Ask some key questions:

What is the story I am telling myself about these interactions? What do I really want here?

What do I have to believe in order to feel safe in this situation?

If I get to choose who I want to be regardless of how the other person shows up, who do I choose to be in this situation?

 

  1. How do we have joy for what God is doing in the life of our sister? Can you talk a little on how we rewire our minds to rejoice, even over the small things?

 

Answer: Be kind to your mind, your problem solving skills are a gift.

Look at it like we are going to create a new road, it’ll take time. It’s ok that it isn’t a super highway yet.

 

  1. How do we get over only relating to each other by commiserating?

 

Answer: Notice the desire to quickly connect with others through problems.

It doesn’t have be hard to celebrate with others, sometimes intentionally being silly and letting it be light hearted breaks the uncomfortable feeling of introducing a new conversation pattern.

What if it gets to be easy? Just own it that it’s new.

 

  1. Regarding the theme of knowing our sisters, and knowing them so well we know how to help and serve one another, do you have any advice on how we actually do this in our everyday life?

 

Answer:Don’t make it bigger than it has to be.

What if it gets to be easy? Something is better than nothing.

Set a reminder, who can I bless or encourage today?

 

  1. How have you encouraged your children on building relationships ?

 

Answer: LOTS of opportunities!

It’s not someone else’s job to help you feel like you belong, that’s your job.

Let it be ok that if feels uncomfortable. Breathe. Go serve someone else anyway.

Serve with someone- one of the easiest ways to get to know someone.

 

  1. How do you, mother of 7, owner of a business, just started at a new church church have time or energy to build relationships?

 

Answer:

  • We make time for what’s
  • Honestly, I often thing I could be better at this, faster, more dedicated, but that’s a pattern of self
  • Showing up, with a gentleness of spirit, choosing to be curious with others, speak before spoken to, and intentionally putting myself in a place of having to meet others or grow our
  • Let it take

 

Finally, we all tend to be pretty hard on ourselves. Gentleness is: being kind, tender, or mild-mannered.

What one next thing are you going to choose to do in a spirit of gentleness today? Who comes to mind that you could calmly reach out to today?

I challenge you to consider one next step of action.

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