How to Talk to Yourself

How to Talk to Yourself. When most of us hear about communication workshops and the like, we immediately think of how to relate to others peacefully and effectively.  Would you believe that is actually the end point of communication, not the beginning?  Two critical steps come before speaking with others.  Without these two parts of the foundation, relating to others will only be so effective for so long.  These two essential ingredients are listening to the Lord and talking to ourselves with the same compassion He has toward us.

God is love and is all-good.  He loves us with a tenderness that is beyond our ability to fathom.  Yet, all too often, we agree with this truth intellectually but completely disregard it in practical application.  Remember that in the Scriptures, Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  That means that loving ourselves is key.  Yet, to have any true and healthy idea of what love is, we have to look to Jesus, who is the image of the Invisible God.  I’m called to imitate Him in His compassion, patience, and understanding, even as I relate to myself.

Sadly, there was a time many, many years ago when spiritual writers would use the term ‘self-love’ to mean selfishness.  That was really unfortunate because there is a leftover attitude that it makes sense for Jesus to love me, but then I should go beat myself up in my thoughts and deeds toward myself.  Then, we expect to be able to love our neighbor well because somehow that is holier than being loving toward me.  It simply doesn’t work or requires an extraordinary amount of effort to make the constant mental shift from a negative, condemning voice that beats me up if I forget something but is patient with another person if they forget something or struggles in some way.

To believe that God loves me, I have to be living as though I love me.  Love doesn’t mean entertaining my every whim or desire.  We know the Lord doesn’t relate to us in that way, either.   It does mean that I can’t make a perfect performance, some sort of golden calf that I have to be a slave to to earn love.  If I do relate to myself in that way, the chances are I’ll relate to others the same way and may even begin to believe that is what God’s love is like.  That could not be farther from the truth.  His love is unearned and unchanging.  The power and strength of being loved give us the freedom and ability to hit the mark a little closer each time.

So, be compassionate when you’re going about your day and commenting to yourself on what you’ve done or how you’ve done it.  As you examine your conscience at the end of the day, don’t forget to affirm yourself for the effort you showed and how you responded to the Lord’s grace.  That isn’t pride; that is being loved to you as the Lord commands you.

May the Lord give you peace!

Margaret

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